Clary's Choice
by LadyInfam0us
Summary: They were trapped in this world. There was no way to escape. Sebastian had sealed off the portals in and out and there was no humanly way possible to leave. Magnus's father was the only option. What would he ask in return for freeing them all? Would it be a price that she would willingly pay? Or would it be something so great that there was no turning back? Complete!
1. Chapter 1

[AUTHORS NOTE: This is an alternate ending to the original ending of Heavenly Fire. Asmodeus took Simon's memories in exchange for the groups freedom. In my tale, different events took place. All other events previous are still kept the same to the best of my ability. A reading of all six books is preferred.]

Clary was alone. The others had vanished from all around her. Asmodeus stood before her in his massive form.

"Where have you taken them?"

"I transported them back to Idris, you are the one who is going to pay the price for freedom." His voice stank of a thousand years decay. What could he possibly want from her? She did not possess anything that he could want. She was not immortal, she was not anything special, aside from the angel blood that ran through her veins.

"What is it that you could possibly want from me?" She asked hesitently. At that he smiled. His teeth were all just a series of broken and mishapen shapes, Were they real bones or just rocks?

He pointed to the dead body of my brother. The brother that never meant anything to me seeing as he was evil and twisted. "You see him? What has he done?" I stared incredulously at the demon.

"What has he done? He has murdered thousands, destroyed families, destroyed lives!" I spat the words out venomously. The demon merely just continued to smile. They relished on pain so why did it matter what one boy did? They loved misery and hurt, the two things Sebastian was good at causing.

"You only have seen one side of the coin." He said. "You have seen the side that is dark and tarnished, but what of the other side? Valentine was the start. He corrupted Jonathan and caused many conflicts between families. He had his little Circle and all his members who loved him adoringly, even your mother. He was the start and he was the end. You do not know your brother or your father yet you hate them. You feel no remorse over killing your father and you feel none for the boy you just killed who was your brother. Why is that?"

If Greater Demons could be killed i surely would have tried by this point. Did Asmodeus understand nothing about what happened? The loss and misery that didnt need to happen just because Valentine and Jonathan had lived? I had murdered them for the right reason and i did not feel bad. " They needed to die. They were evil and only caused pain to others. I am not having this theoretical discussion with you, what do you want?"

At this question his smile, if you could call it that, got even bigger. It was at this point that i was a little scared. Even though i was a trained shadowhunter, my training didnt say what to do when faced with a smiling demon who has your life in his hands. Would he want my life? Would he want something from me that i couldnt possibly give? Or was the consequences much bigger then i had ever hoped to consider.

"It is not something that i want, its something that your going to receive whether you like it or not. I want to show you what life could have been like if Valentine had not been what he was. What life would have been if he had just been a shadowhunter and not seeked to destroy downworlders. What it would have been like if you had had a normal life with a normal family. I will show you all these things and at the end you will be faced with a decision. You will remember all of this world but the other world i will show you will know nothing of it. You will go through stages of life that would have been yours if it had not been so tainted. When you sleep at night, more time will progress. I do not have the time to let you live out your whole life in the Other World, but i do have the time to show you the things you have missed."

What? Show me the world i would have lived in? One where Valentine had not corrupted or stolen so much? What did it matter? It all must surely be an illusion procurred from this Demons mind. Nothing was to be trusted surely from that. So all i had to do was just go through his imaginary world and then me and my friends would be free? Easy.

"If i do that, are my friends and family truly free?" I asked.

"Of course, you have my word. A few hours lost for the sake of the ones you love. I'd say thats a fair trade." Asmodeus said. This proposal was obviously making him happy. For what reason i could not fathom. Yet his idea was an easy one at best. I expected torture or death. Not some fantasy life that doesnt exist. I could make it through that no problem. It surely will be weird and uncomfortable but it was a lesser payment then i expected.

"Okay Asmodeus, i will go to this Other World and i will experience the life i "should" have had. On the terms that when i am done you will send me back. No tricks, no lies."

Asmodeus extended his hand, as if to make a pact. This was indeed a deal, an easier one then i could have hoped for. A few hours and i would be home. With Jace, with my family, back home. I extended my hand and grasped his. In that moment i felt fear, but it didnt last long because before i knew it. Everything had gone black.


	2. Chapter 2

The first thing i noticed was my head hurt. Not the kind that means you got hit or knocked about but the kind that felt internal. The kind that makes you dazed and confused for a few minutes until your reality settles in. What was my reality? Where was i? Who was i?

I looked down and saw hands. These couldnt be my hands? They were small and child like. The hands of a little kid not the hands of an almost adult like i was. Was i? My head felt clouded. I was not a little kid yet i was. Then i remembered, Asmodeus. This must be his work. He had not only changed my world but he had changed me. I was not a teenager anymore i was a child.

Yet i could think like an adult. Most children would be thinking of childlike things, yet i had the comprehension of someone much older. My body was also small. I had to have been about nine years old. Why would he choose to show me this? What could a childs perspective hope to accomplish but make me feel like a fool.

i was in a bedroom. A childs room with toys, stuffed animals, clothes strewn around the room. This must be where i slept. But where exactly was this? Was this my home? Too many questions clouded my mind. What was real and what wasnt. Surely this was part of the demons games.

"Clary!" I jumped startled at the sound of my mothers voice. She was standing in the doorway to my room, her hands on her hips. "I have been calling you for the last ten minutes. Its almost time for your brothers Marking ceremony." My brothers what? Surely Asmodeus could not make me have to endure pretending to be around this creature who was supposed to be my brother.

I tried to say no, i tried to say i would never, but instead all i heard come out of my lips was "Coming mommy." WHAT? That was not what i wanted to say at all. What was going on? Jocelyn smiled and left the room. I had not noticed before but i was dressed in a simple black dress, my hair was done in curls. Asmodeus surely had a sick sense of humor. And just as i thought of him his voice sounded through my thoughts, almost like the silent brothers way of speaking.

"Now little shadowhunter, did you expect me to give you complete freedom in my Other World? You speaking out to your mother at this age would be considered out of place. I will monitor you and decide what is appropriate for you to say. Cant be having too many complications this early in the game. Now be a good girl and go play nice." His chuckle at what he had said started to wither away as his presence departed. That blasted demon. I knew there were catches to his little game as he called it. Now he was forcing me to say what i did not mean. If i ever got the chance to banish him from this world and the next i would take it.

So i did not have freedom to speak as i wanted. So be it. i would just have to suffer through this as quickly and easily as possible and then be free of all of this. He could not make me like Jonathan, he could not make me change my feelings, at least i had that.

I clasped my little fingers together and took a deep breath. I would face this as any shadowhunter with dignity would, head on. I left the room. I could hear voices. Voices that sounded somber yet excited. I followed my ears and quickly discovered why. There were people, many many people. They were in what appeared to be a big dining hall except there was no table. I recognized a silent brother standing in the midst of the rest. This indeed was a Marking Ceremony.

I didnt want to see his face yet i knew that it was coming. Jonathan smiled when he seen me. He was younger. No signs of evil or distress marked his face. His eyes were the same bright green that i had. He looked happy. It was extremely upsetting. He was handsome, he looked so much like Valentine. Valentine! That could not be my father standing next to him with his hand on his shoulder. I felt rage deep inside my stomach. This was a farce. This was not real. Valentine and Jonathan were monsters, not this typical family stuff.

Yet even as i thought that, Valentines face was full of...pride? But that couldnt be true. Valentine despised his son. Yet here right in front of my eyes was the truth. In this Other World Valentine was actually a father. My head started to hurt. This was not how things were or are. Valentine would never look at his son this way. Yet there it was, Valentine with his hand on Jonathans shoulder. He was proud.

When my father looked up and saw me i couldnt believe what i saw. Love. This could not be true. My father did not love anyone, maybe my mother but that was in his own twisted way. He did not love me and he never would. Yet here it was...

"Clary! Clary! Are you excited? I heard it hurts but only for a little while and your turn will be soon too! And i know we will both be the best shadowhunters in the world!" Jonathan said as he ran up to me and clasped my hand.

"Now Now Jonathan, your sisters time will come. And i can gurauntee that you both will be shadowhunters that deserve the Morgenstern name." My father said, and then he did something iv never seen him do, he smiled. This was weird. I felt happiness for my brother, this was his ceremony. Yet another part of me felt revulsion for this illusion. I was torn in too between hugging my brother and slaying him.

"The Ceremony is about to start any second, where is your mother?" My dad asked me. "Right here darling" my mom said as she appeared from behind him. Then they kissed. A simple yet beautiful kiss. A kiss that had so much love into it i was starting to feel light headed. Where was Luke? My mom loved Luke? Not this monster.

My brother was taken to stand in front of the silent brother. I did not hear the words he spoke to him through that weird telepathic way they talked but i could see my brothers face. He had a defiant expression which i knew to mean he expected the pain and it did not frighten him. In my little body, i was the one who was frightened.

My brother was right handed. The silent brother took his hand and with his stele he began to draw. My brothers face never flinched though i could see the sweat beginning to drip. A voyance ruin is the first mark a young shadowhunter receives. Usually on the dominant hand. It looked like it hurt. Yet he never wavered or wimpered. In a matter of moments it was done and the hall erupted into cheers.

Out of the chaos my brother found me and he gripped my hand and he led me away. Past the throng of people and out a terrace door. Into a beautiful garden that stole my breath away. This apparently was what the Morgenstern Manor must have looked like if it had not burned away. It was a beautiful place.

"You dont seem very happy today." My brother said as he sat down onto the grass. I sat beside him our knees touching.

"Im as happy as ill ever be" I said slowly.

He frowned at this, and then he spoke.

"This does not change how we are Clary. i will always love you and protect you. I will never leave you behind. You are my sister after all. I have received my first mark today and when you receive yours i will be there as well. We have many years to go and through out them all i will be here. We can still play games and talk. This mark does not make us any different then when we were little little kids. I hope to be everything that you'd want in an older brother. Im just ten years old but i will get bigger. I will make you a promise though, as your older brother i will always be here, no matter what Heaven and Hell throws at us, i will always be by your side."

I felt sick. I always dreamed of having siblings. When the shadowworld was just that, shadows. I dreamed of having someone close. Someone to speak to. But this? This was a nightmare. This was nothing but a lie yet my heart felt like it was torn in two. This body i was in remembered all the times we played. The games of hide and seek. The teasing and the giggling. All the hours spent gazing at the brother who meant the world to me. But this body was not me, this body possesed memories that i never had. And this conflict with my emotions was battling inside me. But in the end, i won.

This was nothing but a lie. This thing with my brothers face was not who my brother was. No matter of sweetness or glamours could erase that. I had seen my brother at his worst and nothing could make me feel any different. This was not him, this was an imposter. A sweet innocent imposter. That was all.

I stood up and i fled. I remembered my way back to my room and i slammed the door shut and slumped against it. I seen the faces of my parents as they watched me flee. They looked happy. Matter of fact everyone did. This was not supposed to be happening. Jocelyn should have fled Valentine by now when she was pregnant with me. The Circle should have started the Uprising and they should have been defeated and the Circle Members punished. Yet none of that had come to pass. Valentine should have been in hiding and the whole world should have presumed him dead. Jocelyn should have had the Mortal Cup and my life should be starting in New York, not here.

Through all of this, Asmodeus kept nagging at my thoughts. This demon wanted this from me. They thrived on pain and misery. He was creating for me my own personal nightmare of the wish i used to have. The wish of a family not torn apart. But this was the gift of a nightmare. How could you look at someone, when you have hated them for as long as you've known them, when you hate them for something they havent done? That was the true trick to this. Jonathan was not the Jonathan i knew, but the Jonathan of this world. Same goes for everyone else that was a part of this sick alternate universe. They knew nothing of Valentines crimes. They knew nothing of Jonathans crimes. So if no one knew but me did they even exist at all?

Of course! My mind screamed at me. No matter of glamour could erase what they have done. This was a dream and it was time to wake up. I jumped on top of my bed with this frail body and i laid down. Hoping sleep to overcome me soon to escape this time, this episode of life that was nothing but lies. And eventually, as sleep always does, i began to fade away. Slowly but surely into that slumber that desperatly reached out to receive me.


	3. Chapter 3

The first thought i had was where was i now? Was i old now? I didnt quiet open my eyes just yet. I just continued to breathe slowly. How long was this to go on? How many sick and twisted things was Asmodeus going to show me? I had only been through the first one and already i was tired. It was almost like deja vu. My reality was starting to bleed through. It was harder to keep what was real and what wasnt straight inside my head. This was of course all part of the Demons plan to create confusion and chaos. I couldnt let him get the best of me.

I opened my eyes. It was the same room yet somehow different. It was almost like time had shifted. The bed was bigger, there were no toys lying around, i had a drawing table in the left corner of the room, things were different then the last time i had been here. I looked at my hands. They were bigger, and they were also marked. That means that i had to be older then ten and that my training had begun. My muscles were lean and compact. I had the body of a fighter. A small fighter, but a fighter none the less.

I gazed out the bay view window that dominated the west side of my room. It looked to be about summertime outside. That must be why i was home instead of at the Institute training. Whatever institute that was. Things were not as they seemed here. I seemed about just fourteen. That was a few years older then the first illusion. What did he have in store for me now.

I was dressed again in a dress. What did that demon have for dresses? What was i supposed to do now? Wander about the house perhaps? I could not hear any voices or any signs of life. No one was in my close proximity. I appeared to be alone. This was going to be easy then. No distractions and no unwanted faces hovering around.

I left my room and proceeded down the hall way. There were many doors but i didnt want to face what was behind them. For all i knew, there could be even worse things behind them then i cared to find out. At the end of the hall there was a set of stairs that led down in to the foyer. The foyer then branched off into the dining hall i had seen last time and it also branched into a room i had never been before. I decided to go and find out. How sinister could an open entryway be?

It was in fact most sinister. It was a family room. Comfortable sofas and lounges were set around the room. It had a well used air about it as well. The only thing that made it bad was all the family photos. There were alot of them. Some were set in gilded frames, others on little stilts on shelves. The worst of them all was the big one in the center of the room. It had the Shadowhunter motto in latin curled around the frame, The law is hard but it is the law. In the photo me, my mom, Valentine, and Jonathan were all posed around each other. Warm smiles were on each of our faces and the weird thing was was that they looked real. They were not the smiles of someone being forced to smile. They were the smiles of a happy family, and mine was the biggest.

I felt revulsion deep in my gut. To look upon their faces with anything short of contempt evaded me. The crimes they had committed were unforgivable. No matter the smiling people they could have been. Everyone has the potential to do bad things but most of us know the consequences of doing such things, so we dont do them. Yet there are people who dont care who they hurt as long as they get what they want. And looking into the eyes of Valentine and Jonathan i seen no difference.

I turned away. I did not want to see any more photos of them. It was hard enough to look at my mother who despised everything Valentine stood for to be so lovingly caught up in him now. This was not how things were supposed to be and they never would be.

I exited the room, i had seen enough. I made my way back to the foyer and went through the dining hall once more. The table was back in its usual spot. A big oak affair with beautiful ornate chairs. This home was beautiful. It would have been a nice place to have grown up in if there werent monsters residing in it. My fingers itched for a pencil and paper to draw the room itself. No matter what happens here i will at least have seen the manor in its glory.

I went out the terrace door and entered the garden. It smelled of summer and the wild flowers that were growing all around me. I could see fields upon fields, trees, hedges. Off into the distance was a lake. I didnt know which way to go. Down the garden path or steer straight off into the grass. The garden path was easier and if i got lost i could just retrace my steps. I decided on the garden path.

I had time to think as i was walking, which was one thing i definitely did not want to do. I was a prisoner in my own head. Thoughts jumbled around, never making too much sense as i thought them. As far as the day had gone, it had been quiet. I had not seen anyone or anything since i had awoke. Was that a bad thing? Or was it somehow a blessing?

"Be quiet we might be overheard." I heard my brother whisper. I quickly ducked behind a hedge. I knew my luck was bound to wear out. My brother and another boy had their backs turned to me a little ways down the path. They were hunched against a stone wall. I couldnt make out what they were doing. They seemed to be staring at the wall. That couldnt be right, what would two teenage boys be doing staring at a stone wall? Then i thought, what if they had made a window in the walls with a stele? A one way wall that allowed one to see through a surface but the other side remained obsolete. I had seen it before when i was hiding behind a screen at Luke's house.

"I had hoped to talk to her before she went away for the summer, her parents are only here for a short time. They are meeting with my parents right now" Jonathan whispered.

"Then go talk to her, it isnt that hard to go say hi" the unknown boy said.

"You dont understand, she is not like other girls. She is something else." My brother appeared to blush as he said that. The other boy simply just smirked at him. This apparently wasnt anything new to the boy.

"We both can go act as if we just bumped into her. That way it wont be forced or anything like that. You only see her at the Institute every other day which makes me wonder why you dont just speak then. Must get lonely only talking to yourself." Jonathan smacked the boys arm.

"i do not talk to myself, Its just hard to talk to her. She is a creature that i have never seen before in my life. So beautiful, so dark, yet so full of light it is blinding..." My brother left the sentence hanging. The other boy pretended to blanch. The boy tugged his arm and off they went past the wall further down the path.

Who was that dark haired boy? Who were they staring at? Especially my brother, with lovestruck eyes? I wanted to know but before i could even make my way to the wall she appeared from around the wall itself through a door way i had not seen. My jaw just about dropped to the floor.

It was Isabelle Lightwood.

It couldnt be! But wait, my father had been friends with Isabelle's parents even before the Circle. So they must still be friends now, or at least they must know each other. But this wasnt the Isabelle i remembered. My Isabelle was dark, sexy, serious but we were friends. Granted we werent best buds or anything we still had developed a closer relationship then when i met her. But this Isabelle reminded me nothing of that. She was haughty and proud. I could see it in her eyes and the way she held her head. She was still beautiful. Long dark hair, tall lean body, dark eyes. But it was if i didnt know her, and in reality i didnt.

"What are you doing spying on me?" She demanded.

I started to stammer, "Spying? I was just out here walking."

"Then why do you look like you've seen a ghost?" she asked me impatiently.

I could not think of an answer. She waited for an answer but quickly realized she wasnt getting one. She pushed past me aggressively and left me open mouthed in the lane. The fact that our lives coexisted here was not really any surprise. Yet the fact that Isabelle was so different, so alien just made it all the more real. And of course Jonathan had a crush on her.

I tried to keep my thoughts straight. My reality was bleeding into one another. My old self thought in its way but this new self thought its own way too. Sometimes they mixed and i didnt like the result. I should not be jealous that my brother likes a girl and is out in the garden with some boy that i do not know. Yet the jealousy was burning inside me.

It was if i had been left behind and that in itself was absurd. I should not be having these feelings but they were very real in this moment. It was almost like a very realistic dread. The kind where you cant dictate or direct or do anything but experience it. Some of these thoughts were not my own.

I didnt know what to do. Continue along the path or return to the house. I didnt want to stumble across any one else along this path, i decided just to return to the manor. At least there i could run to the safety of my room. Out here it was just me against the elements. I started back without hesitation. I had probably only walked this far in less than ten minutes. Surely it wouldnt take me long to get back. Even though i had taken the garden path that led directly behind me somehow i had gotten lost. This walk was taking longer then it should have been and the foliage looked different then i had ever seen. Somehow i must have not been paying attention and took a different route. Great. Now where was i ?

A little down the way i could make out an opening in the walkway. I couldnt have been too far from the manor. I quickened my pace and made my way farther along. I entered into a training field. And whoa and behold my brother was here along with that boy i didnt know. They were sparring with wooden blades. My brother was fast and quick but the other boy was just as good. They continued to block counter and evade. It was impressive to watch. They moved with the confidence of shadowhunters twice their age. They would make great warriors in due time.

I stood in the shadows watching not knowing how my appearance would be accepted. Would i be chased away like some annoying younger sibling? In that moment all i had the desire to do was watch. With real seraph blades they would be beautiful. One dark one light, gleaming blades of the angels flashing. Who was this boy? He was beautiful in his own way. Not the golden features that Jace is a part of, but a softer color. He vaguely reminded me of someone.

Jonathan struck out with a well precised blow and sent the other boy to the ground. To me most young men would have gloated and put the other down, but Jonathan did neither. He helped the other boy up. They seemed to have a relationship that went farther then friendship. They had respect and understood each other far more then just teenage playmates.

_They were parabatai. _

The answer hit me hard. I should have known but this body's memory was slow coming. But i did remember the parabatai ceremony in this body. My mind didnt understand what it was seeing but the Other Body did. They were connected. They would always be connected til one or both died. Who was this boy then who had this major part in this world?

I still stood back in the shadows but somehow Jonathan seen me. "Clary, what are you doing back there hiding?" I stumbled out from the shadows blushing. "I was just watching the fight, didnt want to interrupt" I said. My brother signaled me over. I reluctantly went.

"Kael you remember Clary?" He asked his parabatai. "Of course, its hard to miss that fiery red hair of hers " Kael said simply. I blushed even more. Something wasnt right. I blushed easily yeah but not just for no reason. I was in love with Jace, i should not be blushing like this. He was handsome but not THAT handsome.

"I was just showing Kael here some new moves i had taught myself. Was hoping he'd catch on which he did til the end when i knocked him on his rear end but-" Kael at this moment took the time to grab onto Jonathan and grapple him to the ground. Amidst all the laughing and shoving i just stood watch. I must have appeared awkward and standoffish, for that was what i was. I did not fit in, partly because i didnt want to and partly because i couldnt. This was not my world and no my people, no matter what i see.

When they had finished their cat fight they stood brushing dirt off their shirts. I noticed Kael trying to catch my eye. What did he have to say to me? I didnt even know him, in this life or the other one. I stood their silently waiting. Waiting for i dont know what. Was it time for me to leave? I was never really any good in social interactions.

I stammered a good bye and left the training field. I heard nothing as i went. I managed to find the path i had been on before i got lost. I must have gotten turned around somehow and now had righted myself. The sun was starting to come down over the horizon. It was almost night time. Another day in this world that made no sense in every way i looked. How many more were in store for me?

I slipped past the terrace doors and silently crept through the house. I did not want to be discovered and have to deal with another weird conversation. Asmodeus could make me speak in terms he wanted but he couldnt dictate my every move. I could at least play the game as i wanted too rather then how i was forced too. I would walk through with my head held high rather then with my head bent.

I entered my room and laid on my portal of escape. How many days, hours, were there left to this place? Was i doomed for eternity to wander this realm. The realm that i have hated ever since i have entered it. I did not belong here. These were not my people, my friends and family did not exist here. These people were strangers. Ghosts of their former selves that i had come accustomed too. I missed them. I missed Simon, Jace, Alec, Izzy, all of them. I missed my mom, my overly protective artistic mother. I missed the world i had left behind.

I soon started to drift backwards into my mind and i drifted easily into that ocean of waves that were my dreams. All i could see was blackness, and i welcomed that blackness for i had seen enough of the light.


	4. Chapter 4

Now where was i? I woke to a different room in a different place. The room was bigger then my room at the manor. I got up from the bed. I went to the dresser and gazed into the mirror. Oh no, i was years older! I had to be at least around thirty. How could this be? I was not this old in real life. Apparently Asmodeus could do what he wanted here in this realm of his.

My face had aged. I was no longer young. I had the face of an experienced shadowhunter. A scar ran across the left side of my face. I was still small in frame. I looked more like my mother know then i ever did. My hair was longer and had turned a deeper red. I didnt even recognize myself anymore.

I walked over to the door. What was set in store for me today? More illusions and lies? I sighed, it couldnt go on much longer. I was already near thirty and most shadowhunters died young. This dream like world had to end somewhere. But where?

I opened the door and stepped out into the hall. All was quiet. I walked down the hallway and went to a little window set before the stairs. I looked out. I was in Idris! I'd notice the skies of Idris in my sleep. The demon towers kept the sky a distinct color. Why was i in Idris? But not in the manor? I went down the stairs and almost walked into someone.

"There you are, i thought you would sleep all day."

"Kael?"

"Of course, who did you expect to find in our house?"

No. No. No. Our house? That could only mean...

I saw it flash before me, the shadowhunter ceremony that bonded us together. We were married! But not in the traditional sense of the human world. I felt the breath catch in my lungs. This couldnt be possible. This couldnt be true. But In this world i knew that it was. I was married to Kael.

I saw flashes. Flashes of us laughing, kissing. I was in love with him. But how? Where was Jace? Surely fate would have me meet him here in this realm. Surely i would have fell in love with him. He was my whole heart and soul!

Kael noticed my silence. "Are you alright dear?"

"Yes, i just... had a weird dream was all." i replied softly.

"Oh, well Jonathan and Isabelle are on their way here."

He leaned forward and gave me a quick kiss on the lips. He smiled and squeezed past me to go upstairs. I was so stunned i couldnt even move. This was not the way things were supposed to be. I had to keep reminding myself that this was just an illusion. It wasnt real. I loved Jace Herondale not this person. This person who i didnt even know.

I steadied myself and took a breath. I just had to keep reminding myself of what was true. The door bell rang. I quickly discovered the front door and opened it to my brothers smiling face. Isabelle was smiling beside him. She had seemed to lose the arrogant air that she had had before. They were holding hands to my surprise. So my brother had managed to make Isabelle love him?

More flashes flashed before me. Isabelle in the grasp of a demon, Jonathan freeing her. Their day ending in kisses. They had been a couple way before me and Kael, and they were married too! They also had a small son, by the name of Xavier. Their lives flashed before me and i now understood.

Jonathan has loved Izzy since he met her. Kael had loved me since he met me. They both fought for our love and they both had succeded. It was a fairy tale relationship. The scar on my face was a scar i received when Kael was being attacked by a rogue vampire. We had a history as rich as any. This illusion left no gaps.

My brother hugged me and brushed past me, Isabelle kissed my cheek.

"How are you Clary? How is everything? Xavier is getting so big now. He will be a fine shadowhunter just like his dad." she exclaimed.

She was proud. I could see it. She was happy. I could tell just by looking in her eyes as she spoke. Her life with Jonathan had been nothing but love. I stiffened at that thought. Jonathan could not love! He only loved himself! He would never look at Izzy this way, he would never have a son! I smiled falsley and turned away from her.

I found my brother sitting in the living room with Kael. They were talking about a recent demon invasion that had left two shadow hunters dead.

"The London institute is sending more shadow hunters from other parts of the world but they might not get there in time. Every death of any shadowhunter is serious. We should be taking serious action!" My husband declared

"I agree Kael, but the Conclave is doing what they think is best. Sending more shadowhunters would leave other Institutes weakened. Its in the best interests of all shadowhunters that they send two."

Kael shrugged his anger off. "If it were us two, i wouldnt be so worried."

My brother smiled. They had been through tougher battles then most their age. We all had scars that showed the battles we fought. We were all a group of fighters that the shadow world respected. I knew this. This body knew of the battles. The adrenaline, the fear, the demon ichor, i could remember it all. Even though i had never been there. The Clary whose body i wore could remember all this. I was stuck in her body remembering my own world. But still stuck in this one living hers.

I sat in the armchair beside my husband. Some of my actions were not my own. This Clary loved Kael, this Clary could not see any reason to not to sit beside him. Kael rested his hand on my leg. Through her eyes, i wanted that. I wanted Kael. I wanted to be loved by him. I had been loved by him. He was mine.

My brother and his wife stayed for the better part of an hour before they had to leave.

"Its been so nice seeing you again Clary, come see us soon okay? Xavier will be delighted to see his aunt." Isabelle said giving me a hug before she went. My brother was speaking to Kael by the door. I walked over there with Izzy beside me. My brother gave me a hug.

"Its been nice seeing you. I really do miss you ya know."

"I will be seeing you sooner then you expect." i said.

Seeing as how Asmodeus gave me no choice in the matter i thought. My brother smiled and said his farewells and then i was alone with Kael.

I turned to my husband. He stood in the entryway so serene and not of this world. I could see why Clary of this world had fallen for him. He was beautiful. He was darker then Jace. Jace had been blonde whereas Kael was darker. Yet he still looked like a fallen angel.

I went over and hugged him. My face pressed into his chest. I took in his warm smell and closed my eyes. This was the world she lived in, not me. Then why did i feel as if i belonged? The feelings for him were true, honest feelings. The feelings of two shadowhunters periled to fight for all their lives. Yet they still managed to find love in this hopeless place.

I broke apart. He smiled at me, and even though i felt a twinge for Jace, i smiled back. We spent the rest of the day in each others company. Memories of the other Clary filled me in with the gaps, and we enjoyed the rest of the day in peace.

When the sun was finally receding beneath the horizon, we headed off to bed. I sighed a deep sigh, at least this day was at an end. There possible couldnt be much more. I was nearing middle age. That thought almost made me laugh. Middle age. I knew that in real life i would be dreading that, but in this one i was content. This was not real. None of this ever happened. And when it ended i would be the young Clary i always have been, back in Jace's arms. Even though it was Jace i wanted, i still felt a sadness inside me. Even though these memories were lies, the body i wore wanted Kael. As i was pulling for Jace, it was pulling for Kael.

I laid in my bed next to him, tossing and turning. What would happen next? Where would i be? Who would i be? Kael sensed my troubles and wrapped his arms around me. With his arms around me, i managed to stop fidgeting and was about to fall off into sleep. And just before i fell asleep, i couldnt possibly stay awake any longer.

He pressed his lips to my ear and said,

"Good night, Mrs Herondale."


	5. Chapter 5

I woke with a start. Mrs Herondale? What? How? Herondale was Jace's last name. Jace's father Stephen had been with Luke's sister Amatis before the Circle made him leave Amatis and marry Celine. Celine and Stephen then made Jace. When Stephen died raiding a vampires den, Celine, filled with sorrow, had killed herself. Which then Valentine took Jace out of his mothers body and raised him in the Wayland Manor.

But wait, there never was a circle! In this world, Valentine never became a zealot. He never made the Circle. Jace did not exist! I felt like i had been punched in the stomach. No. I did not want to be in a world that Jace did not exist. Jace had to exist. I felt a deep whole in my chest. This was not the way things were supposed to be!

"Asmodeus!" I screamed to the empty room.

The room went cold. The lights all but went out. The demon had arrived.

"Yes mortal?" the voice carried throughout the room.

"I am done. I want to go home!" I cried.

Asmodeus chuckled, "You are done when i say your done. But dont worry little girl. Your time in this realm is almost at an end. Just a few more things i need to show you before then."

I was overcome with rage. He could not keep me here prisoner. In a place that i did not belong.

"I want to go back now! I'm done with your games, and your lies!" I screamed.

He stopped chuckling and gave me a cold stare. The air had went even colder.

"You presume to tell me what to do? I am giving you a gift. A gift of seeing the world as it could have been. And you dare scream at me? You will stay here. You will complete this world. And only when it is done will you be done child!" Asmodeus hissed.

And then he was gone. I was back in my bedroom. Emotionally drained. I sunk to the floor. I didnt want to be here! I didnt belong here. I wanted to go home. I wanted to be with Jace, my mother, and my friends. I didnt know how long i could keep this up. Everyday brought me nothing but stress. I had lost Jace. Jace did not exist here.

I slowly got to my feet. Who was i today? I went to the mirror. I was older. Again. I was closer to forty. I sighed. I was aging gracefully but that was not why i sighed. This day could not be over with quick enough. I exited the room and made my way downstairs.

Kael was downstairs playing with a child of four or five. She had dark red hair. No. No. No. When i entered the room she stopped playing with Kael and ran to me.

"Mommy!"

I about dropped dead. This was my daughter? She was beautiful. She looked like me, except she had Kaels blue eyes and not my green. She hugged me fiercly. I hugged her back. My heart tore some more in my chest. I had memories of her birth. The tiresome pregnancy. Our excited thoughts of finally having a child of our own. This Clary felt complete. She had everything she had ever wanted.

"Analise come to daddy." Kael said.

Analise turned from me and wobbled back to her dad. He picked her up and spun her. Her giggles rebounded across the room. I felt nauseated. In my head i fought a battle. The Clary of this world shoved memory upon memory upon me. She berated me with her feelings. I did not have a sense anymore of who i was. What was my memories? What were hers. Asmodeus had succeeded. I was in my own personal hell.

Kael picked up Analise. "Are you ready? The portal is scheduled to be open soon."

"What portal?" i replied.

He looked at me funny. "The portal to the New York Institute? Were being sent there for a few weeks. There;s some demonic activity that needs looking after."

Demonic activity? New York?

"What about Analise?" I asked.

"Shes staying with my mother here in Idris. Were dropping her off. Don't you remember? We talked of this for weeks?"

Memories slapped me. We had been talking about this for weeks. The Conclave had sent us the message that we were needed. Jonathan, Isabelle, Kael, and me. We had been preparing for days now.

When it was time to leave, we departed the house. Kael's parents lived at the bottom of the city. We walked there. Analise was busy staring with round eyes at all the houses. It truly was a beautiful city. When we finally made it to his parents house i was nervous. Maybe i had been wrong.

Amatis opened the door.

"Analise! Come to gram-ma!" She said holding out her arms. Analise ran to her and threw her little arms around Amatis. She hugged her and smiled at us.

"Nice to see you Clary, Kael. Stephen is out at a Conclave meeting so he wont be here to see you guys off. Please be careful and come home soon." Amatis said.

"Don't worry, we will be fine. Jonathan and Isabelle are already there waiting for us. So we really should get going." Kael said, he went and hugged his mom. I felt crushed inside but made myself hug her as well.

She was proud of her son. You could see that plain as day. There was a shine to her eyes when she looked at us and our daughter. It pained me to see her so happy. She never forgot Stephen when he left her for Celine. She had been heartbroken afterwards. But here she was happy. Here her life had not been torn apart. Here she was happy and where she was supposed to be.

We left Analise after a few hugs and some tears from her end. When we got to the Great Hall a warlock was their to meet us. It was someone i had never met before. He made us the portal and sent us through. We walked out to the yard of the New York Institute. My brother was there to meet us.

"Clary, Kael, you finally got here. I thought we'd be waiting all day." He said smiling.

We said are hellos and gave out hugs. Then things got serious.

"The Nangris demon has been sighted in the Northwest Subway Systems. It has killed four mundanes and one shadowhunter so far. They want us to deal with it." My brother said grimly.

Us? We were getting older. Surely there was someone more younger then us to deal with is. But that was not how shadowhunters worked. We fought til our death, and then even after death we would serve our purpose. Our ashes would build the pillars down in the Silent City.

The Nangris demon was a fierce demon. It was snakelike with a sinuous body. It had multiple arms, each with razor like teeth along the underside of each arm. It was also venomous. It wasn't something to mess around with. It was a formidable foe as any. Attacking it in a subway system was not going to be fun. It could slither anywhere down there, escaping through any tunnel. Thankfully the Northwest Subway Systems were not used by any trains. It has been shut down for a few years now due to some blockades in the tunnels.

We entered the institute and left our few belongings in our rooms. Then we all went to the weapons room to gear up. I chose a few seraph blades and a electrum wire bracelet that could be used like a whip. We all met back at the front steps to to Institute. This was a place i was familiar with. This was the Institute that i had been trained in.

We called a taxi and had it take us close to the Northwest Main Entrance. When we paid the driver and got out. My brother took the lead. We broke the lock on the subway main door and went down into the darkness. My brother brought his witchlight out. It cast a dim glow around us.

"Ok, were going to try and see if we can kill this thing tonight. Me and Clary will go down the tunnel itself. You guys stay here and scout the area, we will try and flush it towards you. We will finish this thing before night fall." My brother said calmly and confidently. A Nandris demon was not something to laugh at, but our small team would be able to handle it.

My brother gestured for me to follow. I followed close behind him, watching Izzy and Kael scout the area behind us. The subway was derelict. Stone had fallen from the ceiling. It was dark and musty down here and it smelled. An odor of rot and decay.

"Clary come here!" My brother whispered urgently. I went to him and followed his gaze. There was a trail of slimy matter leaving a trail. I bent closer. It was definitely the Nandris demon. This trail was the slime it left as it traveled. We were on the right track!

I held the witchlight higher trying to see as far as i could. I felt calm. I knew how to fight. I have been doing it all my life. I whipped out my seraph blade and named it. It glowed an unearthly color. I felt comforted by its light.

We crept farther and farther down the tunnel. The smell was getting worse. We were getting close. My brother went into battle mode. He was all muscle and strength. We took up battle formation. I watched his back as he crept forward. We could hear it.

_Crunch. Crack. Crunch. Crunch. _

Slurping noises were then heard. It was eating.

Jonathan signaled me with his hand. I braced my weapon and moved forward. It would hear us coming any moment now. We would have to be ready. Jonathan moved in closer. I could see his concentration. We were on the hunt.

I smelled it before i saw it. Smelled of rotting garbage. It was curled in its den. Sitting on what appeared to be bones. It was sucking the marrow out of the fresh bones. It had found a victim recently. I only hoped it hadn't been of human origin.

It sensed us and started to hiss. It dropped the bones and bared its teeth. My brother wasted no time, he took his blade and slashed. He cut the demon down its belly. Black ichor splashed the walls. The demon roared and went to slash back. My brother leaped backwards. He landed in a crouch. He truly was a shadowhunter.

While he had the demon distracted i made my move. I swung my own blade in an arc and took out one of its legs. It hissed and took its eyes of my brother and onto me. I dodged its arm as it tried to attack. It was getting angry.

My brother and me took turns to slash and dash. We had wounded it severely before it sensed defeat. It slammed its arms into the ground. The walls shook. Dust floated in the air making it hard to see. With a thud, the Nandris threw himself to the ground and pulled itself along the ground. It was using its arms to drag itself forward. Ichor trailed after it. We had wounded it, but not nearly as much as we wanted it too. It was heading straight towards the others.

We ran after it. My brother was bleeding from his arm. The Nandris had flung him into the subway wall. He was hurt but he acted like he didn't care. I had come out of the fight with only a few scratches.

We chased it down the tunnels. It was angry, but it was trying to escape. We heard its angry cry as it encountered the others. We ran harder. All four of us would do more damage then just us pairs. We rounded around the corner and ran right into the battle.

I took my blade and brought it down on its tail. It had all four of us attacking it and it couldnt keep up with out attacks. Ichor splashed all around us as it flailed its arms. It was desperate. It could feel death impending on it. It started to attack desperately. It swung its arm into the support pillar. The walls shook as more dust came pouring down. It made it harder to see and breathe.

Kael jumped up and stuck his blade deep into its back. It threw him off with a screech. He landed in a pile after hitting the concrete wall.

"Kael!" I screamed.

He was still breathing i could see. We had to finish this soon!

I slipped the electrum wire off my wrist. I arched it back and swung it hard. It slapped the demon across its back. It wailed in pain. In the moment between its distraction Jonathan leaped into its chest with his blade positioned. The demon roared. Jonathan had shoved his blade straight through into the demons chest. The demon cried weakly. His arms limply wiggling. Jonathan held on to his blade, still stuck in its chest. The demon gave one last weak snarl before falling forward. It landed with a thud. Right on top of Jonathan!

I ran to find my brother, but Isabelle beat me to it.

"Jon! Jon! Are you okay?" she cried.

We both pushed the side of the dead demons body. Trying to nudge the body aside. We dug our heals in and shoved. Nothing happened. Come on! We put our shoulders on the body and heaved. The body was slowly shifting. I could see a hand.

We pushed and shoved until Jonathan was out from under the body. Isabelle was openly crying. Jonathan was still. I had to fight back tears that were threatening to spill over. He could not die here! He could not die tonight!

I about fell over with shock when my brother opened his eyes.

"That thing was heavier then i thought." He said weakly.

Isabelle wrapped his arms around him with a cry of relief. Seeing that he was not in immediate danger i turned around. Kael was still slumped by the wall. I ran to him. He was still alive! Thank god. I rolled him onto his back. He had been knocked out. He was unconcious but alive. I breathed a sigh of relief. I couldnt wait to get back to the institue and rest. This night had been too much for me. But the one thought that got me through the task of getting to the Institute was this.

We were all okay.

For now.


	6. Chapter 6

I woke. I was in a wooden posted bed. Where was i know? I sat up. I was still in the institute? How? This wasnt how the game usually worked. Right now i should be waking up older and somewhere else. Things didnt seem right.

I swung my feet out out of the bed and put them on the cold floor. I felt battered. The fight still fresh in my mind. Why was i still here? For what purpose was i still here? I stretched my aching muscles. Apparently this day was important. When else had i relived a certain period in time more then once?

I got out of bed and went to the door. Kael was no where in sight. He must have got up before me. I grabbed the door handle and pushed the door open. The halls were empty and silent. Where was everyone? I was in the dormitory wing of the Institute. There were many rooms to try and i didnt want to try them all. Some doors in here should never be opened. It had been years since this Clary had been here.

I walked down the hall. Maybe everyone was just eating breakfast. Kael, Izzy, Jonathan, me, and the leader of the Institute were the only ones here. Apart from the maid and the other staff. I couldnt find anyone. I checked the dining room, the weapons room, and the library. Where else could everyone be? It just didnt make any sense. My husband wouldnt just leave me here.

When i was about to give up all hope. I heard someone crying. It sounded like a woman weeping. I went and paused by the chapel door. It was definetly coming from in there. It sounded like Isabelle. Should i go in there? What was she crying about that caused her this much grief? I pushed the door open wider and slipped inside.

Izzy was hunched over by the pew openly weeping. I went to her and hugged her. She was so small and frail in my small arms.

"Izzy whats wrong?"

She sobbed harder. I held onto her tight.

"I-i-i cant."

"What?"

"I cant live without him!" She wailed, tears streaming down her face.

And then it hit me. Memories flooded into me. Jonathan was dying. The Nangris demon when it had fallen on Jonathan had punctured him with one of its sharp teeth. The teeth were all lined in poison. This poison had no antidote and it always killed.

Through her memories i watched it all.

Jonathan had come back fine, a little out of breath, but fine. Within two hours he was in pain. Within five hours blood was starting to seep out of his wounds. Within seven he was bleeding from the mouth. He didnt have much time left.

They had called in a Silent Brother to try and help. But the Silent Brother could do nothing. He could only make the passing more easily for Jonathan. There was nothing any of us could do. He was going to die. The reason i could find no one was everyone was surrounding Jonathan in his room. I felt grief stab my heart.

Another part of me was relieved. The real part of me. The other was sick with grief. If Jonathan was dying then these illusions would end soon. The whole point of this game was to see the world how it could have went, which i have. When he died, i would be able to go back to Jace.

The other Clary felt deep sadness. Her brother could not die. They had been through so much together. They had dreams of dying old in their beds. Her brother could not die yet. He had a son. He had Isabelle. He had me. Her heart was being torn apart. And i had to feel it all along with her.

The lines between us were blurring. Her feelings came onto me in these moments. I felt nothing but pure sadness, pure loss. I was grieving for the brother i loved.

I held Izzy for a few more moments and then left her in the chapel. I wanted to say good bye to my brother. I wanted to see him one last time. I walked slowly to his room. I could smell sickness from outside the door. We knew the dangers of fighting demons, but no one wanted to think their time was ever going to be up.

I was trembling as i opened the door.

My brother was lying on a bed. He looked close to death. His skin was the color of ash, and he looked so tired. Kael was standing next to his bed holding his hand. I made my way over and put my hand on my brothers arm. Kael looked at me with sadness etched on his face. Tears were starting to brim over in mine. I didnt think he would wake up ever again, i was surprised when he did.

"Clary? Is that you?" he asked weakly.

"Yes Jonathan im here."

"Is Kael here too?" he managed to get out.

"I'm here." Kael stammered.

Jonathan smiled. "I could not ask for a better life. I had the most wonderful woman in the world as my wife. I had the best sister. I had the best dude as my friend. I love you all, more then you could ever know..."

I was openly crying now. Tears fell onto his bedsheet. I hugged him gently. All the other Clarys memories flooded in. The countless teasing, arguments, and fights. All the happiness, giggling, and love. He had been a good brother to me. He had been a good guy to everyone.

Jonathan opened his eyes and looked at me.

"Clary, dont be sad. Tell Isabelle to not be sad either. I have lived a long life. A long happy life" he whispered, "I have no regrets, except i wish that i could have spent more time here with you guys. I never thought i would die surrounded by my loved ones. I never thought i would be loved this much. I will love you my sister til the end of eternity. I will love my Isabelle til the end of eternity. And i will love my _parabatai_ til the end of eternity. Do not cry, my life has been the best it could ever be. I just hope Isabelle...knows...how...much i...love her." he whispered and then he closed his eyes.

My brother passed away shortly after. With a short hitch of his breath he was gone. I grieved hard that night. The other Clary would have it no other way. Her brother was the shining light in her life. He was someone she looked up too. He was her role model. And now he was gone. Isabelle had already left for Idris to prepare for the Shadowhunter Death Ceremony. Me and Kael tied things up at the institute before we headed back.

When it was time for us to return to Idris, my eyes were raw from crying and Kael was deep in sorrow. As soon as i returned i was going to bed. I couldn't handle this sorrow anymore. It felt like it was ripping me apart. Hopefully the next time i would be on my way home. To the real world not this one. Even so, i couldn't help but look back at the Institute one last time before leaving.

I couldn't help think one last time of my brother. We would always remember the guy who made the stars shine bright. If any of us nephilim were angels, Jonathan Morgenstern was one of them.


	7. Chapter 7

I woke up in my own bed at my house. I was still in this dream world. I sighed. I started to move out of bed, but found i couldnt. I looked down at my hands, they were all wrinkled and spotted. I had aged many years. I felt tired and weak. I didnt want to move much at all i found out. Things were definitely harder when you got older.

The door opened and a woman walked in. She looked like a mini copy of me at that age. Oh no, that must be Analise! She turned out to be a beautiful girl. She looked like me, but her fathers blue eyes is what set her apart. She walked with a shadowhunter grace, and i couldnt begin to say how proud i was of her. She would be just like me. She smiled when she saw me. I tried to sit up and she said, "No mom dont do that. Your not doing to well. Sitting up will only make it worse." She came over and helped me lay back down.

"Where is your father dear?" I croaked.

Analise looked worried. "Mom...Dad passed away a few years ago, dont you remember?" she asked timidly.

Memories once again slammed into me. Kael had died peacefully, he had declared his love for me even on his deathbed. He made me remember that he loved me with all of his heart. He smiled at me even though he was slowly slipping away. We had over forty-five years together. He had died in his bed with me and his daughter surrounding him, and now it was my turn.

I was dying.

My heart hammered in my chest. My husband has been dead for four years! I had been alone all this time waiting to die. I missed my husband with the same urgency i always had for him. I truly loved him with all my heart. He was my soul. He was the sun to my horizon. How could i have made it four years without him?

I started to cry. My old frail body heaved with sobs. The pain of losing him still racked my body.

Analise hugged me softly looking worried.

"Mom, Dad loved you. You know that. It was his time to go. We all have our time. Dont cry. Im here with you now." She continued to hug me until my tears had subsided.

I looked into her eyes. Oh how time had flew by. It was only yesterday that me and Kael were holding her by her little hands teaching her to walk. And now she was a full grown adult. Memories hit me again.

Remembering all the moments we had shared in this one lifetime. All the kisses, hugs, and tears. Isabelle passed away a few years before Kael did at a ripe old age. My mother and father were both now gone as well. I was the last one left. I was the only one left who remembered.

I could see us now, all four of us laughing sitting out in the grass at the Morgenstern Manor. None of us had a care in the world back then. We all had simply enjoyed the free things in life. We told our jokes, we told our stories, and at the end of that day i received the best gift of all. A first kiss from Kael.

Kael Herondale had stolen my heart. He had always been a part of me from the start. Our destiny was entwined. We were meant to be together. And that didnt stop just because he was dead. I would be with him soon. I just hoped that when it was my time, i wouldnt be so afraid. I didnt want to leave this behind. I didnt want to leave this world. Kael's presence lingered in this house. Kael's memories lingered in my heart. I hoped that wherever i was going i would remember. I wanted to always remember.

I didnt want to feel these feelings but i had no choice. I was almost one with the other Clary now. I felt her sadness and her grief. We both felt for the life we had lived. I could barely think of my own feelings within this moment. I had memory upon memory filling me now. I would not be able to think clearly at all right now. I was deep in her thoughts and her feelings. It was almost like we were as one. The sorrow she felt i felt. And as she grieved so did i. I could not keep hate inside this heart, it would not let me. I had no other choice but to go with the tide.

My daughter and i spent the evening telling stories. Most of them about Kael, some about her and her husband, some about her two kids. We shared happy memories of our lifetimes. I told her my favorite memories of Kael and i. Told her of how we had fallen in love, and never fallen out of it. I told her of my brother that she never really got to know. I made sure she knew him at least through my memories. He was a strong valiant shadowhunter and he would not be forgotten. I spoke of his final battle and the courage he had to do what had to be done. I told her of her aunt Izzy and all the things we had done. She had cried throughout my stories. We both had. These were the things that should never be forgotten. I spoke with such pride and strength even Analise saw it.

"Mom, you actually got some energy into you now."

"Its your father. When you know a love like that, you will always burn bright. I love you Analise. Always remember that, always remember us." i said.

I laid back in my bed and thought to myself of all the memories i had. All the times in my life where i was filled with such happiness. I would never change a thing. I was not afraid to die. I had lived my life exactly the way i wanted too. Beside the man who moved my mountains. I was at peace.

I smiled one last smile, and then i went to meet Kael.

I was ready.

Wherever he was...

Wherever i went...

I would always remember...


	8. Chapter 8

I awoke on the cold hard ground. Startled i sprang to my feet as quickly as i could. Where was i? I had died? Hadnt i? I looked around. I was back in the demon realm. How? My realities had started to bleed when i was in Other World, but now i was back in my own.

The other Clary's feelings still felt strong inside me, but my own were pulling forward. This was my world, my heart, my feelings. I pushed hers aside. None of that had been real.

I looked around for Asmodeus, i knew he was around here somewhere. He had to be here, because if he wasnt, then where in the hell was i?

He appeared before i started panicking. He looked twice as hideous as when i first seen him. He stood in his robes silently watching me. I felt uncomfortable.

"There i have done everything. I have went through that illusion and now i am done. Send me home!" i declared.

His gaze didnt waver from my face.

"What have you learned?" he asked.

What had i learned? What kind of game was this.

"I didnt learn anything? It was all just a fake illusion." i declared.

He started to chuckle.

"Is that what you think it was?"

Wait, huh? What was going on here.

"What do you mean demon."

"Did you not like what you had seen?" he asked, genuinely curious. I was taken back for a second.

"It was nothing but what you wanted me to see. There was no Kael, no Analise. That world was nothing but a game that you created. How could i like something that doesnt exist?"

He started to laugh. A deep throaty laugh, that made my spine tingle. Was this all just a big joke to him? Apparently being a demon down in your own realm must get boring if your willing to torment people. I felt anger rising in my gut. This nonsense surely had to end now. What more games was he going to play.

"Did you not love your brother, even after all that, Clary Frey?"he asked.

"I never had a brother, my brother was nothing but a monster. I have never loved him, nor will i ever!" i shouted back at him.

To this he just stood staring at me. What more could he want? What more did i have to give?

"Clary, say that it had been real, what would you have felt then?"

I was taken back. What if it had been real? I remembered the other Clary's thoughts and feelings. She had loved her brother fiercly. He was everything a brother would have been. He was nothing like the monster he was now.

"Is that a trick question? The real Jonathan was nothing like the other one. If he had been i dont know what i would have felt. The other Clary clearly valued him. She even loved him. But my real brother i have no love for at all." i declared bravely.

"I have watched your life Clary Morgenstern. I have seen all there is too see. You hate Jonathan with all of your heart. He had been tainted by demon blood when he was just a baby. Your own mother is sickened by him. He lived his life in nothing but hate. So of course you could do nothing but hate him. But what of the Jonathan that wasnt tainted or corrupted what of it then?" He said glaring at me. I was trying to keep my calm. None of this was important anyway. You could not go back and change things, once it was done it could not be undone.

"You stabbed your own brother right here, his life taken away. He asked about forgiveness did he not? His eyes were green at the end were they not? The Jonathan you knew was not the Jonathan that was. Cant you see that? Your father made him to be what he was. Your father corrupted your brother. And if i recall, your murdered him as well. What is it with mortals killing off their own blood? I guess i wont ever know."

"What does this have to do with anything! Raziel killed my father not me!"

"Only by your doing. And you chose the favor of the angel to bring back Jace isnt that right?"

I didnt understand how he had come to know all these things. I nodded my head briefly.

"A favor of the angel and you chose to save your boyfriend and not your own family."

Save my family? What could he mean? If he thought i was going to bring back Valentine from the dead after i had just killed him he was insane! I stayed silent and let him speak. Maybe he would get it over with soon and let me leave.

He chuckled once more and came closer. I could smell decay on his breath.

"Not many mortals pass through here. Not many mortals get to witness what their life could be like if only things had been different. Yet here you are. Yet you claim to have learned not a thing. What about the man named Kael? Do you proclaim to have no feelings towards him as well? What about your daughter? Does she just not matter either?" he asked me.

Kael. To the other Clary he had meant the world. But to me he had meant nothing. I belonged to Jace. Jace was my world, not some guy that didnt exist. And my daughter as well. She was an important person in the other world but not here. Here they both never existed. None of them existed. Not my love struck mother, not my seemingly normal dad. None.

"Im tired of these games. None of them matter for the simple fact that they dont exist! This is the real world and the other is nothing but lies!" i yelled.

He uncovered his hood to his face, to reveal an ugly scarred inhuman like face. I could see no emotion in his unfeeling eyes. Magnus had apparently not gotten his looks from his father. I almost wanted to tear my eyes away. But I knew that he would see that as a sign of weakness.

His gaze bore into mine for what seemed like a long time, then he averted his gaze.

"How do you know the other one was fake Clary?" he wondered.

"What do you mean? Of course its fake. The life i had with Jace is real. Kael never existed, Analise never existed. The life i had back in New York with Simon, Alec, Izzy, that is whats real."

He started to laugh, long and hard once again. I wanted to hurt him. Send him back to whatever hellish dimension he had come from.

"Clary you can be so mundane for a shadowhunter. Do you think that i would show you this for no reason? That i would make you live in that world for nothing but a laugh? I have laughed yes, but thats not the real reason." He looked at me smiling. His smile gave me the creeps.

"Clary that world is just as real as this one. In your timeline this world doesnt exist yes, but in its timeline yours doesnt exist. So many factors come to play and yours happened your way and theirs happened their way. But that makes them no less real then yours."

What? How could that be real? How could that world even exist.

"So what are you telling me? That the Other Clary just died? And that we both exist, just in different ways?"

He smiled again, "I forget that mere mortals have no idea of what reality truly is...Im done with all this talk. I am here to make you pay. You are going to pay for your portal out of here, and your friends portal that led them out. You knew that, you agreed to it. I made you go through that other world just to make things more sweeter as the final outcome. I am a demon Clary. I find no relish in happiness, or joy. I find my happiness in pain and torment. Well here it is mortal, open your ears."

He came so close i could almost reach out and kiss him. Ugh!

"That world can exist Clary if you want it too. You can have that brother you always wanted, alls you have to do is say yes. You can have that life with Kael. You can have the happy little family you always wanted. Its right there for the taking. It could be yours, all you have to do is give me the word and its done."

What? The other world could actually be my world?

"But what about this world? What about Jace? What about everyone else?"

"The world you choose will be the world that exists, the other one will cease to exist. You cannot have both, you must just choose one. Remember carefully and make your decision. No matter what one you choose i get my payment." He said and then he chuckled to himself.

He was getting something out of this no matter what i picked. But what did i pick? If the other world was real then that opened up so many new things for me. But what would happen to the things i remember? Would my whole self erase in that other world. Since this world was the one i had been in, that i had been created into.

"What happens to me? To my memories, if i choose the other world?"

"They would cease to exist, as the world would also cease to exist."

I would be erased. Well, not all the way. If i was born in that world i would never have to go through the things i had. No circle would ever exist. My mother would be happy, and my father would actually be what a father was supposed to be. And my brother!

I would finally have what i had always wanted. Jonathan would never be the monster he was in this world. And since i wouldnt remember what he or my father had done i would love them like the other Clary had. Except that other Clary would be me! I would have no knowledge of this choice or anything. It would be like i had just woken up brand new. The life she had lived had been wonderful. It had been peaceful.

I could be happy there.

And i would have Kael. The other Clary had loved him. She had loved him with all her heart, just as i would if i picked that world. He had fit her like no one else had. They had a beautiful daughter and a long happy life. That life would be just as good as it was the first time.

But then what of this world. What of Jace? I could not easily forget Jace. My heart had longed for him ever since i had seen him at Pandemonium. He was my fallen angel. How could i just forget Jace?

But what of the misery that the Circle had done? What about the countless murders that Jonathan had committed? What about the senseless deaths that had occurred. I could make them all go away. And in doing so, my life would be happy. I could have a happy life. I could have all i ever wanted. The other Clary's feelings were not fake this whole time like i had believed. They were the feelings i would have had if that were me. That was me!

I knew what the demon's payment was. Whatever world i chose, people would disappear. This choice would not only be the pain and sorrow of myself but the pain and sorrow of the whole world. The demon would get it all! This was the best payment he could have ever wanted. Either way he won.

I didnt know what to do. I had to make a choice. But do i bravely save lives? Do i help my mom to happiness? Do i help everyone including myself? Or do i just help myself. Do i choose valiently or do i choose selfishly.

I knew what i must do.

"Asmodeus i have made my decision." i declared.

"As you wish." The demon replied smiling the broken smile he always bore.

Everything had gone black.


	9. Chapter 9

I was in bed. His arms were wrapped around me. I laid in the dark just feeling him breathe next to me. Things were as they should be. Things were as normal as they had ever been. I had the weirdest feeling that i had just woken from a bizarre dream. But the harder i tried to remember the more it all slipped away.

I snuggled closer to him. I dont know what i would do if i didnt have him. This world messed up as it was, but with a little slice of heaven for my own, it was more manageable. Things had a way of fixing themself. They always did.

The choices we make in life determine who we are. We all make sacrifices for the ones we love. It was the way of the world. If you didnt have love, then what did you have? I had all i wanted right here beside me. I couldnt ask for more.

Life was hard. Sometimes things just do not go your way. No one has the power to change the past, we could only change our future. If we did have the power to change all that we had done, would we? That power was not suited for those of the earthly variety. We all had to make choices. Big and small. And those reflected on who we were. You can take the easy way out if you choose, but if you fight harder things have a way of fixing themselves.

Nothing was ever easy. We all make the choices that determine our paths in life. We make mistakes we are human. Well, almost human. We were not perfect. In the end, only you yourself can make that choice.

I shook these thoughts from my head. Why was i thinking these things? Choices to make? What choices? I had nothing to worry about right now. I was safe in bed with the one i loved. I hadn't made a mistake recently so that couldn't be it. What could it be? I couldn't remember my dream or whatever it was. Maybe i hadn't dreamed anything at all. Maybe i just was being weird. It was after all past midnight. I should be sleeping not worrying about the choices i had made. Things were the way they were. I had to be content with knowing i could not change what had been done.

I snuggled closer to Jace. This was where i was meant to be. He was the other part of me, and nobody could ever replace him. If this world was made up of choices, then my choice was him.

My choice would always be him.

What other choice did i have?

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**Authors note:**

**Now i know some of you may not be happy with the way things ended so i am here to help clear things up.**

**Clary does not remember the bargain she had made. When she made her choice, all the memories faded away. That is why she doesn't remember, and why she cant explain her last thoughts. **

**This story followed Clary, and the Other Clary. But in the reality of things, they were both the same person. The Other World would have been her reality if she had a normal family. The world she lives in now, is the one with her messed up family. **

**Don't we all wish we could go back? Rewind time, do things differently? This is the choice Asmodeus gave her. He allowed her to live through moments in time, with all the things she ever wanted. Jace and Kael Herondale are subsequently the same person. **

**Clary chose Jace. She chose him over saving her family, and innocent people. Now some people might be taken back by that. WHO would chose a guy over their loved ones and over the lives of many innocent people. She did.**

**Some may see that as selfish but i see that as real. From her point of view, she could not let Jace go. No matter how it was a good choice for her and everyone else. She could not let Jace be erased. Shes a teenager, and like most young adults. They think their love is the only thing that matters. Which to the one in love, it is, most of the time. Maybe if she had been older, maybe if she could see what her whole life with Jace would have been like, maybe, maybe, maybe. **

**Clary saw the side of the story that she had not had the chance to see. She lived her life and harbored her judgments. She never had a brother or a father. Asmodeus gave her the best gift of all. A choice**

**We all have choices to make in our own lives. Sometimes its a bit harder then most. Sometimes we make the wrong ones. **

**Did Clary make the wrong one?**

**Thats up to you, the readers, to decide. **

**Hope you enjoyed! **

**Review if you'd like! **


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